Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness

One of the worst things one can experience is the loss of a child. It doesn't matter if that child was 5 weeks along in pregnancy or 15 years old-it hurts no matter when it happens. The ache is different, but it's still there. I remember the crushing feeling when we learned Emerson no longer had a heartbeat. That feeling will never go away. It has certainly faded, but has not disappeared. I never thought that losing Emerson would bring any good, but I have learned otherwise.

Recently I was connected with a young woman who lost her child halfway through the pregnancy. While I am no professional I was able to offer a few things that helped us as we grieved and healed. This past week at Bible Study Fellowship I got to talking to another young mom in my group and found out she too had lost a little girl in early 2013. We were able to share our experiences and offer each other help two years later. And then just yesterday a woman posted in a local Facebook group that her friend just found out she lost her baby halfway through her pregnancy and was seeking advice on how to help her. I was able to reach out and offer some suggestions on what helped us.

We cannot forget the children we have lost. We cannot pretend they didn't exist and we didn't love them. We cannot erase them from our lives. We must remember these precious loves and celebrate the time we had with them. October is Infant Loss Awareness Month, but the big feelings that come along with this cannot be squeezed into one short month. We must remember all year around. So, next time you hear of someone who lost their littlest love don't brush it off, remember that precious gift and the impact he or she already had in their parents' lives.

If you have lost a baby prematurely, or know someone who has, PLEASE let me know. I would love to connect with them, pray for them, and offer whatever support I can. 

Shifting Gears

The past three weeks have been a surreal experience. This sweet baby girl has made our lives infinitely better in such a short time, and for that we are thankful. All the months of prayers and have blessed us way beyond our wildest imaginations. But to be honest, it was super tough at first. Don't get me wrong, Amelia Grace has been such a wonderful baby (minus the reflux episodes during the witching hour) and watching her grow has filled my heart in a way I didn't know was possible. In fact all the toughness really has nothing to do with her; it comes from remembering Emerson.

I've been struggling to put this post into words, because I don't know what to say. As we drove  home from the hospital David and I talked about the importance of keeping our lines of communication open and continuing to talk about everything. That led to one of us (I can't remember who) bringing up how weird it was to be bringing home our baby girl. Last time we went to the hospital to have a baby, that precious little one didn't come home with us. All the emotions of being in the hospital, seeing some of our old nurses, talking with the doctors brought both of us right back to last January. 

I mentioned a few times here how anxious I was with this pregnancy and how scared we both were about everything. There was more than one visit to the doctor that was scheduled in haste because I "just didn't feel right". Thankfully, there was also more than one time the doctors hooked us up and we heard her strong little heartbeat reassuring us. 

Since we've gotten home all those feelings of anxiety that came from comparing the two experiences have disappeared. Instead they have been replaced with indescribable joy and happiness. There are moments of "what if Emerson. . .",  but those moments don't cause overwhelming sadness anymore. Instead we are focusing on enjoying every little moment with Amelia Grace knowing that she has a big sister watching out for her every step of the way.