Mommy Contract Part 2

Since writing part 1 of the Mommy Contract my sweet child has reminded me of so many other components that should be added. A few more that came to mind. . .

You are never alone
Whether you are in the bathroom or the kitchen, your child will find you. Why they don't send children in to look for hiding terrorists is beyond me.

Your child will embarrass you
Children have a keen sense of what will send their parents hiding in a corner and love to perform those acts. It may be farting extremely loud in front of the new neighbors or it could be throwing a temper tantrum in the middle of the aisle at Target. It will happen so batten down the hatches and prepare yourself.

Your child will behave the worst for you
You'll hear stories of how wonderful and kind your spawn is and wonder if it's the same child who threw themselves on the floor and prevented you from making them the breakfast they requested. It is. Children behave the worse for their parents. Fact.

Your brain will never be the same
I don't care if you have a PhD in rocket science AND brain surgery, your brain will never be the same after having children. Everything you thought you knew becomes mush.

You will memorize the most random things
And while you won't be able to remember why you came into the room and what you were looking for you will have a great selection of children's songs and books memorized and ready to be recited when your child starts to melt down in the back of the car.

You will never look the same again
This goes for more than just your body, folks. Things settle differently after kids and I don't care if you weigh less than you did before kids, it's just different. I'm also talking about the clothes you put on that body. Your child will find the one spot you don't cover up with a burp cloth and ruin your favorite outfit. They will also grab that cute tunic you just bought and smear strawberry juice all over it. Or wipe their mouth on the shoulder of that fantastic new sweater that just came in the mail. Once you have children you suddenly understand why moms only wear bum clothes.

You could watch them for hours
Go ahead and set a timer and then marvel at how long you spend watching them do absolutely nothing. Taking beaded necklaces on and off was never as exciting as it is when your toddler does it for 30 minutes straight.

Mommy Contract

In my short time as a mother I have noticed a few traits that most, if not all, mothers share. I have jokingly come to refer to these as part of the "mommy contract". This contract is one that you unknowingly sign the moment your child is born and your world no longer focuses on yourself, but on that precious little love. A few components of the mommy contract. . .

Your food is not yours

Sorry, friends, but that plate full of delicious food that you lovingly prepared (or ordered if it's been a rough day) isn't yours. It belongs to the mini-version of you in the high chair next to you. And don't even think about trying to give them something of their own (even if it is the exact.same.thing.) because they will want it directly from your plate. Fact.

You will never sleep again

Remember those easy weekend mornings where you lazily puttered around in your pajamas? Or how about those glorious nights of uninterrupted sleep? I hope you enjoyed them because you will never see them again. Or, at the very least until your youngest is out of the house but even then you'll probably lay awake at night wondering how your offspring are doing in the great big world. Even if your child does sleep well through the night, the slightest bump, paci drop, or cough will wake you and send you running to check that all is right in the world.

Caffeine is your friend

Caffeine is amazing. Fact. Whether it comes in the form of coffee or soda, it is a necessary part of child-rearing. See above clause for further explanation. 

You can't do it alone

You can't do this mommy this alone, so don't even try. Find a community, whether it's a face-to-face group or one via Facebook, find a community. These women will be your lifesavers when you feel like you are drowning in spit up and screams.

Books can't parent your kid

I love to read and I love to read about kid stuff and what's coming our way next, but all the books in the world can't teach you how to parent your child. Only you can do that.

You will never figure your kid out

Your kid is constantly changing so just as soon as you think you have them, their personality, and their nap schedule figured out they throw you for a loop. 

You will never love the same

Hold on tight because the love you have for your kid is different than any kind of love you've ever known.

Advice

I got a bit of a late start this morning thanks to a rough night's sleep. Nope, it wasn't Peanut's fault. It was the princess's fault. She thought it would be kind to jump on me in the middle of the night to keep me warm. I didn't think it was so kind. I proceeded to sleep in a bit and caught a very different radio show than I normally catch in the mornings. This morning the personalities were talking about advice you would give to an 18-year-old, because apparently today is "give advice to an 18-year-old" day. Who knew.

This had me pondering, what advice would I give to an newly minted adult if given the chance? Would I tell them to live it up before adulthood ties them down? Probably not because that just doesn't match my Type-A, Daisy-do-right personality. Would I tell them to buckle down and not take their opportunities for granted? Probably not, because who wants to be that stick in the mud. No, I think I would advise them to do what their heart leads them to do.

I think so many kids reach 18 and are suddenly thrown to the wolves. Pick this major, pay this bill, take care of this responsibility. It's a lot for someone who may be used to leaning on mom and dad for guidance and support. I'm not condoning codling our kids and therefore not preparing them for life. I'm just saying that maybe we should consider who we are talking to when we suddenly expect so much of someone. I think these kids should go where their hearts lead them, and not where their friends or families think they should go.

If you could give an advice to an 18-year-old, what advice would you give??