Blessings

We pray for blessings, we pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering

This song plays pretty regularly on our local Christian station. For a long time I sang along, but didn't listen. Then, a time came when I changed the station as soon as I heard the opening chords because it hurt too much. Now, I'm not just hearing it, I'm listening to the words too. 

I would like to say that my prayer focus is not always on myself and my wants, but that would be lying. I definitely take the time to pray for others, but I selfishly always end up back at myself. I pray for blessings and God's hand in my life more than I pray for anyone or anything else. What's taken me a long time to realize is that He has been blessing me, just not always how I envision it.

'Cause what if your blessings come through rain drops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

After we lost Emerson we were devastated. Neither of us could fathom what had happened, let alone that God may have been protecting us from something. He may not have wanted us to live the life of parents to a very sick little girl, as may have been the case based on what we now know. Please do not get me wrong, we loved (and still love) her with all that we were and if she were born with a disability of any type it would not have caused our love for her to waver in any way, but perhaps God knew what he was doing when he cut our time with her short.

We pray for wisdom, Your voice to hear
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt your goodness, we doubt your love
As if every promise from Your word is not enough
And all the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

Without a doubt our lives are different than what they would have been had everything gone "according to plan". I won't state the obvious, but we certainly have a different marriage than we did. Yes, we'd had our ups and downs but nothing had ever tested us in such a way. Because we leaned on each other so profoundly we grew closer. Our appreciation has changed. Where we once were excited for children and the adventure it would bring we now know the greater purpose God has for parents and appreciate the miracles children are. We also have more compassion. Because we had never experienced such a tragedy we struggled to relate to those who had. Now we feel we are better able to minister to those around us because of our experiences.

What if my greatest disappointments or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy
What if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are your mercies in disguise

God works in such global ways it's impossible to understand the why and how of it all. The only thing we can understand is that through faith and belief in Him it will all come full circle. That circle may not be complete in this world, but He will complete it some day.

Paid It All

Jesus paid it all,

All to Him I owe;
Sin had left a crimson stain,
He washed it white as snow.

Our worship team has been knocking it out of the park the past few weeks. They recently blessed us with an awesome rendition of this traditional hymn. How blessed we are that He sent His only son to rescue us from the sin of this world! It was through this ultimate sacrifice that were saved.

I cannot put into words the joy that pours from my heart with this song. The first time I heard it was at our old church in Raleigh, and it immediately spoke to my heart. Since then, every time I've heard it I am filled with such love for the Lord and His unending love for us. 

 This is a great version of this beautiful song. . .

What's your favorite hymn?

Your Love

Your love never fails
It never gives up
It never runs out on me.

Though I had heard this song on the radio a few times, our church has recently started singing this beautiful song of Christ's love for us. The words of His continual love through all situations speaks right to my heart. 

It reminds me that without Him we can never find our way out of the dark this world brings. It reminds me that His love is always with us, even when we feel most alone. It reminds me that no matter how how much we feel like we are drowning, His love will rescue us if we only accept it.

Someone told me the other day they don't know where I find the strength right now. It's an easy answer-His love. My being able to return to work and my routine activities has nothing to do with me, but everything to do with Him. I've always been one who tries to take it all on myself without asking for help, but I quickly realized I could not survive without His rescuing love. 

It never fails. It never gives up. It never runs out on us.

I pray that others find their strength in His love and realize it's saving power.

Call My Name

This song came on Pandora this morning, and it was at a perfect time. I wrote earlier this week how a song can hit you at just the right moment. Well, God spoke to me this morning through this song.

 When you feel like you're alone in your sadness
It seems like no one else in this whole world cares
And you want to get away from the madness
You just call My name and I'll be there
You just call My name and I'll be there

It started on Friday, the loneliness. For no particular reason at all, it just kind of hit me all over again. I was at school, and there were no triggers, but I just felt sad. I could feel myself slipping into the despair that I knew all too well a month ago. The sadness was magnified by the lack of hope I felt. For the first time in a while I was struggling to find hope. So, I did the only thing I knew to do and I prayed to find the hope and peace that kept me going.

The pain inside
Has erased your hope for love
Soon you will find
That I'll give you all
That your heart could ever want
And so much more

Then, yesterday we were at Target and I almost lost it as I walked past the baby section. The last time we were there we were updating our registry for our sweet baby girl. I saw a couple picking out bibs and it about killed me. I just kept walking, praying to God to give me the strength to take those steps. 

You just call My name
You just call My name
Call My name say it now
I want you to never doubt
The love I have for you is so alive
Call My name say it now
I want you to never doubt
The love I have for you is so alive

 

Yesterday evening I received a facebook message that threw me off a bit, but as I reread it I recognized God speaking to me through it. He wanted me to know that He was there. He was right next to me the entire time. At school, at Target, and there as I read that message. He was telling me there was hope. He was telling me that if I just continued to call His name He would never leave me.

The love I have for you is so alive
You just call My name