Lessening Burdens

If you know me then you know I don't do well giving up control of things. The oldest child and Type-A personality in me doesn't like to hand over things. I want to have my hand in everything. This experience has taught me to let go of a lot.

From the moment I told my colleagues what happened, they took control of all my work responsibilities. While there are many benefits to being a teacher, easily taking time off is not one of them. My students cannot just sit there and wait for my return like in other careers. I’ve been so blessed in that I’ve been able to step away and take time to heal while others have picked up my slack.

This has been the same case at church. I volunteer as part of the kid’s ministry and share responsibility with another woman. The weekend we were in the hospital both David and I were scheduled to serve at church. She has stepped up in such a beautiful way and removed the stresses that we felt at not being able to serve and leaving others hanging. Not to mention all the wonderful volunteers who have come forth to lessen any burdens we may feel.

Letting go of these responsibilities would have been a challenge for me in any normal situation, but in this one I had no choice. Stepping back now and realizing what these people have done for us brings tears of gratitude to my eyes. Without them we would be fifteen steps behind where we are now in our healing. They have all reminded us in different little ways to step back and take care of ourselves.

We are immensely thankful for these people and pray that one day we can lessen their burdens in the same way they have lessened ours.

A Week of Firsts

This has been a week of firsts for me. 

First time to church on Sunday.

First day alone with no plans to meet anyone.

First doctor's appointment.

First time seeing my students and work family again.

These experiences have not been easy, but are necessary. As I mentioned yesterday, I feel like as soon as I take a few steps forward something sends me back. Instead of letting these reverse steps keep me moving in the wrong direction I'm focusing on letting Him propel me forward. 

I'm planning on heading back for good next week, but knew that if I handled it all in one day I would struggle to make it through. So, today I went into school to say hello and to conquer any emotions that came on. A sweet friend of mine suggested this, and I am thankful for her suggestion.

I cried through my prayers the whole way to the school. I prayed for strength and courage, as well as for peace and continued healing through this experience. I was unsure of what I would feel walking in the building that I was in two weeks ago, 6 months pregnant. The last time my students saw me was in December when I was clearly showing. They were all so excited when I announced that I was pregnant. Despite how old they wish they were, they are still young and I was nervous at how they would respond. They blew me away with their love. 

From the moment I walked in the door they showered me with hugs and love. They told me how much they missed me and begged me to come back. One student even made me promise I wouldn't leave again. Their warm response was exactly what I needed. I could tell some of them were nervous and didn't know what to say, and that's okay. This is the first time many of them have experienced death or loss of any kind and will undoubtedly feel a little awkward around me for a while.

My work family welcomed me back with open arms. There were many hugs and mentions of prayers, which meant so much to me. Hugs and prayers are what we need most right now. Even as we continue to heal and the days become easier, those hugs and prayers continue to fuel us. I am so thankful for these amazing people and how much they all have done to ease our ache. From sub plans (a teacher's nightmare) to coverage to meals to cards to flowers to prayers and hugs, this extended family has stepped in in such a beautiful way. 

I will officially head back next week, but I'm grateful for the opportunity to conquer the fears my firsts bring on with the love and support of those around me.

Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety.

Proverbs 11:14

Count Your Blessings

It's very easy to get caught up in the "want, want, want" mentality that surrounds this time of year. We very easily fall into the trap of lusting after things we do not have instead of being thankful for what we do have. I know that no matter how hard I try, the greedy Grinch in me comes out at some point every year to make an appearance. This year before that green monster comes, I'm going to recognize what I DO have and how grateful I am for it.

an amazing husband

I am so grateful for David. There really are no words for wonderful he is to me. My eyes have been opened to this even more in recent weeks and I hope that they never close to these things. He has been angelic with my pregnancy moodiness and probably deserves sainthood for all that he has to put up with from me these days! 

a healthy pregnancy

We have been infinitely blessed by how smoothly things have gone thus far. With my kidney mess there have been lots of opportunities for issues, but we have been very blessed.

support

I have a great support team in my family, friends, church peeps, etc. Without their love and prayers I would not be where I am right now.

comfort

So many do not have a home to go to or a warm meal at night. I am fortunate enough to have both, and much more. 

What are you thanking God for today??