Thursday, January 17, 2013

Focusing on Him

Yesterday was our post-op appointment. I woke up nervous as all get out. I’m not exactly sure, but I think the only thing I can attribute it to is that the last time we were in that office we were hopeful and excited.

We arrived and they quickly took us back so we didn’t have to wait long in the waiting room. This was very much appreciated. After the general check of how I was doing the doctor came in. There were three doctors who treated me while we were in the hospital, and he was the one who induced labor. One silver lining to this entire experience was how well we were treated by all the staff. The doctors and nurses went out of their way to ease our pain and comfort us.

I’m not sure what I was expecting because we were told up front that we may never know what happened, but there were no new results to share. The only results they had were those from the amnio centensis. They were unable to grow any fetal cells to test for a chromosomal issue, but were able to determine this was not the result of any sort of infection.

He checked me out and determined that physically I am healing well, but cautioned against jumping too soon into anything. He patiently answered all of our questions and scheduled our next appointment for 4 weeks out. We’re hoping to have the results of the autopsy at that time.

I managed to hold it together until we got in the car where I broke down and sobbed. I’m not sure if it was the news of no results or being back in the office or what, but I just felt so beaten down. As I explained to my very patient, kind husband it seems that every time I take a step forward, something happens that sends me ten steps back. As a dear friend told me, this is going to happen. She reminded me that I must not focus on what we don’t know, but instead focus on what we do-that HE reigns true and will shine through this experience. He will never desert us or turn away. He is a constant presence just waiting for us with His arms wide open.

Fear not, for I am with you;  be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you,  I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
-Isaiah 41:10

1 comment:

  1. Oh my gosh, girl, I didn't even think about the fact that you guys would have follow-ups and everything to make it all fresh are just the bravest in my opinion!