Loved

This past weekend I had the incredible experience of attending my first Women of Faith Conference and less than 48 hours afterwards I am already getting excited about the next one. Heck, I was excited before I even left the first one! 

It all came about earlier this year when it was brought up at a MOPS meeting. My friend, Jess, and I heard that one of our most favorite people on the face of planet earth (Jen Hatmaker!) was going to be there so we immediately signed up. We later learned she would not be at the Charlotte weekend, but were still excited to go any way. Jess brought it up one afternoon when we had gotten together with two of our other best gal pals for one of our regular soul-restoring gab sessions. The four of us had been meeting monthly for the past few months after we realized we had all read Hatmaker's book, Seven, independently of each other but knew we needed to hash it out with other believers. Maria and Lauren jumped on board and the ball began rolling on a great weekend!

Fast forward a few months and it's FINALLY here. We all said sayonara to our kids and headed to downtown Charlotte to refill our hearts with the word of Jesus. Maria's husband booked us a FABULOUS hotel room in downtown too so we didn't have to worry about going home and getting our groove messed up :-P

Friday night kicked off the weekend with some worship and a few speakers who brought truth in a big way. Afterwards we headed back to our hotel for drinks, a snack, and girl talk. It was fantastic. Once we realized how late it was we forced ourselves to go to sleep so we would be well-rested for the next day. Easier said than done for four women who haven't seen each other in a while and without the distraction of littles! Somehow we managed to all get a few hours.

Me, Jess, Lauren, and Maria 

The next morning we were back at it again with more wonderful women preaching the word in profound ways. Saturday also brought an incredible performance by Building 429. I had never been to a worship concert before so having the chance to praise the Lord with so many other people was a mind-blowing experience. 

Building 429!

Returning to reality was a little very difficult, but well worth it when I got to share some of what I learned with others. We've already got reservations for next year-who's coming with us?!?

Stealing Joy

I often feel like I am juggling a bunch of different things in my head (Is my kid's behavior normal? Am I going to have time to complete X, Y, and Z today? Will supper be ready in time? Can I run to Target between naps? Did I remember to call so-and-so back? Am I going to have time to check Pinterest for that? How did she get her kid to do that at that age?). I am not very good at silencing everything around me and taking in the moment so when one of the mentor moms at a recent MOPS (Mothers Of Preschoolers) meeting asked us to discover what what stealing our joy I knew I needed to pause and search my heart for what is keeping me from full submission and rest in the Lord. 

What is stealing your joy today?

What is causing you emotional (or physical) discomfort? What is causing you to pause and proclaim, "I'm so stressed!"? Is the perfect family on Facebook with their 2.5 polite kids and dog that never runs away or barks? Is it Pinterest with its unattainable perception of reality? It is greed over what your friend has that you don't? Is it a to-do list a mile long with unattainable tasks? Is it the family whose toddler seems to always listen and never pitch a tantrum? I ask again, what is stealing your joy today?

I was convicted by this question. It seems like an insurmountable obstacle some days to find that peace, but she challenged us to seek what is stealing our joy and replace it with God. So now I am challenging you to pause and ask yourself, what is keeping you from full rest and joy in the Lord? How are you going to eliminate that from your life and find more rest in God? 

What is stealing your joy?

Turning the Finger

One of the big pulls for coming to Raleigh was our old church, Vintage. A super hard part about moving is trying to find a new church so when we realized that was already taken care of, we knew we had no excuse not to move forward with God's plan for us. 

The teaching pastor at Vintage has a true gift for words and it shows each Sunday morning as he steps up to the front. This past Sunday was no exception. The series we just wrapped up was entitled "The Awakening" and challenged the church to come alive for God. It has been a great series and the final sermon came from Isaiah 57:14-16. While Pastor Tyler hit a lot of fantastic points what stuck with me was his emphasis on our tendency to find fault in everyone and everything around us without ever looking inward. 

I am so guilty.

I am quick to blame others for their faults, but am slow to call out my own. I mean, who wants to focus on their own issues? That would be no one. Our pastor pointed out that no one is perfect but Jesus. Ouch. You mean I'm not the perfect mom because I manage to have supper on the table each night and keep my kid alive during the day? You mean my kid isn't the perfect toddler because they didn't scream all the way through Target like that other kid did? (Side note-my kid was totally the screamer last week. I feel you, momma in the grocery section). The answer is no. None of us are perfect so before we start to point out the flaws in others we should remember that we are just as flawed.

Shifting my focus to this mindset has already been helpful. Instead of immediately calling people out (always in my head-this chica hates confrontation!) I immediately ask myself, "why are you so upset right now? What if you were in their shoes? Are you the one who should be called out right now?". And the list goes on. Instead of pointing the finger at every one around, I should instead turn the finger to myself. 

If you made it this far, thanks for letting me ramble about my sinful heart;-)

My Lighthouse

Every morning while I'm making breakfast and Amelia Grace is playing, I put on music in the background. She has always loved listening to music and since music is great for a baby's development it's a win-win. For a while we were rocking out to a Raffi station on Pandora, then it was the Kids and Family station on iTunes Radio before we switched to my personal favorite-Rend Collective. (Rend Collective is an AMAZING contemporary Christian band who remind me a lot of Mumford and Sons-kind of folksy.) 

Much like Pandora, when listening to iTunes Radio you can identify songs you like and they play other songs similar to that one. Well, the first song that came on was "My Lighthouse"-a personal fav. I quickly told the minions inside our AppleTV I liked it in hopes they would play it again soon. As I danced around the room with AG she laughed and giggled and we certainly got our praise on!

The next morning we turned on the radio and "My Lighthouse" came on again-whoo! This time, before I could even pick Amelia Grace up to dance she crawled over to me and lifted her arms to be held. She then nuzzled down on my shoulder and hugged me tight. 

*Cue the tears*

We danced around the room and sang as loud as we could the entire song. When it was over she motioned to get down to play and we went about our day. Fast forward to the next morning-she did the same thing! Y'all my sweet, wiggly, wild toddler willingly nuzzled down on my shoulder for the entire song. Amazing. How precious it is to worship our wonderful Lord and Savior with this incredible gift in my arms! I know she doesn't understand the weight of the words yet, but with prayer and His guidance we will one day be able to raise her to.

You better believe we now own that album and will be playing it until all our technology dies and it no longer works ;-)

Trusting

I have recently joined an amazing organization called Bible Study Fellowship that meets weekly to study God's word. "Oh, okay, so she joined a Bible study". Not so much. I joined an incredible international organization that meets weekly at different locations across the globe to study the same message. We are split into smaller groups for discussion of the week's passage and questions before we return together for the lecture. This year we are studying the story of Moses and the Israelites and it has rocked my world in the best way possible.

We continue to hear about the Israelites' lack of trust in God and their failure to obey Him. They continued to try to take matters into their own hands despite God's instructions to trust Him. And then when He did provide for them, they spent a lot of time grumbling about it. 

Talk about a smack in the face.

Here I am grumbling and feeling sorry for myself for having to take some new, harsher medications when I should be thankful they even exist for me to take! God has shown me through various people and different conversations that this is the best path for me, so why is it still so hard to trust Him? 

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.

-Proverbs 3:5

That verse has always resonated with me. It came to me in my first year of teaching (though I'm sure I'd seen it before) and it never quite left. Every morning I prayed that and even had it posted as a reminder on my desk. In the almost five years since I started praying over that verse daily it has gotten me through some very hard times, and I know it will continue to do so. 

Trusting God is such a freeing feeling. With it comes a weight lifted and a heart lightened. Burdens are no longer so hard to bear and the waves don't seem to crash as hard. Instead of allowing myself to worry I am trusting in Him with all my heart and letting Him guide my every step.

Helper

Recently our community group has been going through a study of Genesis, particularly seeking to see Jesus in it. Not exactly what you would expect, right? The best part about it is Jesus is all over the Old Testament! Side note-If you're searching for an in-depth study of Jesus in the OT take a look at Nancy Guthrie's different options. 

Anywho, back on track. . . this past week we dug deeper into the story of Adam and Eve and the temptation the serpent brought in the Garden of Eden. The story is common, but each time I read it I pick up something different. This time around my heart honed in on the concept of "helper". Specifically this verse:

The Lord God said, "It is not good for man to be alone. I will make a suitable helper for him."

God knew that Adam could not continue alone and that he required a helper. God created all sorts of animals and creatures, but none served the purpose He was seeking for them. So he took a piece from Adam's own body to create the perfect complement-Eve. How beautiful is that? God created a wife just for the purpose to help Adam. Wow. Mind-blowing and a very heavy weight on my heart right now.

I posted recently asking for prayer for the vision God is laying on our hearts. As we continue to walk through this and pray I feel a new calling on my heart as a wife. Should David pursue full-time ministry, my role will change greatly as well. He will need me to help him in new and challenging ways. Reading these simple words, "I will make a suitable helper for him" has given me huge reassurance. His words are like a big hug at just the right moment. He's telling me, "I made you for this. I knew the plan when I placed you together". God is reminding me that I am not just David's wife, but I am His helper. What an amazing gift that is! I have the opportunity to support him in this grand adventure!

As you continue to pray for the vision God is laying on our hearts, I also ask for prayer as how best to support David.

A Vision

Where there is no revelation, people cast off restraint; but blessed is the one who heeds wisdom's instruction.

-Proverbs 29:18

So often we think we have a vision for our lives and so often God shows us that His vision is greater, but man, is it hard to just let God's vision be our vision. Am I right?? My vision straight out of high school was to become a childhood nutritionist and save all the little children of America from childhood obesity. God showed me through Chemistry 101 and a stint as an Orientation Counselor that was not what He had in mind for me and led me to a path in education. My vision for our family was knocked off its axis in a big way when we lost Emerson mid-way through our pregnancy. And now God is working to change the vision He has for our family's future in ministry. 

Since college David has felt a calling on his heart for something more; something beyond the day to day, 9-5, engineering plan he set out for. God opened doors through the Community Group ministry of our old church to show David the gift he has for preaching. When we moved back to the Charlotte area God led us to Hope Church and many opportunities to serve and use our various gifts-David in the Community Group ministry and me with the kiddos. Over the past four and a half years God has used His vision to lead us down paths we never really saw ourselves going down. David's heart for ministry never wavered, though. He continued to feel a pull for something more and recently has felt that tug even more so. 

So, what does that mean exactly? Good question. If God lets you know, will you let us know? ;-) Currently, we are praying big prayers and asking for God's guidance in our lives. We are asking for His vision to become our vision, and to clear the haze of uncertainty right now. We are praying for wisdom and words, as well as provision for His plan. 

Would you please join us in prayer?

Special thanks to SheReadsTruth for pulling on my heart in a big way yet again!

Mommahood

My sweet husband blessed me with an amazing devotional this year for Christmas-Out of the Spin Cycle by Jen Haymaker. Sound familiar? That's because I wrote about how wonderful her book Seven was here. I've only read two of the devotions so far, but Jesus has already used her words to strike truth in my heart. Love when that happens!

She opens the book with an amazing word for all mommas. She speaks to the momma who has one baby and the momma who has a whole litter. She calls to the momma who breastfeeds and the momma who rocks out the formula. She shouts to the momma who stays at home and the momma who runs the company. She talks to us all. Without further adieu, "a (fairly lame) ode to motherhood". . .

By: Jen Hatmaker

An ode to the marvelous woman called “Mother” 
Though not one of us is exactly like another. 
From the second we’re born to the minute we die 
Our preferences are as limitless as stars in the sky.

We might have been perfectly gracious before 
But childbirth entered us in the Mommy War. 
Rather than letting everyone else be 
We criticize parenting that isn’t exactly like . . . me.

So once and for all let me put this to rest 
None of us owns the title of “best.” 
Natural childbirth does not make you a hippy 
Epidurals are not just for women who want to feel trippy.

In a bathtub with a doula or in a hospital bed 
We all got a baby with limbs and a head. 
Nursing is great if nothing goes wrong 
But some nipples turn inward and refuse to play along.

This is a choice for each mom–it’s her route 
So it’s just A + B and everyone else can C their way out. 
Schedules and timers do not make you cruel 
Feeding on demand does not make you a fool.

In the nursery with a monitor or in the family bed 
Every chick gets to pick where her baby lays his head. 
If I see one more mom roll her eyes at “organic . . .” 
“Partially hydrogenated” throws some of us into panic.

But neither judge Sonic burgers and fries 
Some of us just want to enjoy food before we die. 
Preschool, home school, public, or Montessori 
Listen, my friends, and I’ll tell you a story:

Two moms differed on favorite school trends 
Their kids turned out pretty much the same. The end. 
If a girl gets the title of “mom” accidentally 
The worst thing we can do is treat her judgmentally.

How about some love, some help, some advice? 
She needs our love and we shouldn’t think twice. 
Discipline through various methods will prevail 
Look, we’re all just trying to keep our kids out of jail.

These things are just preferences, not right or wrong 
What matters more is teaching our kids to get along– 
To love and to share, to speak gently and kind, 
To obey so that mom won’t go out of her mind.

Showing them Jesus is our common ground 
Teaching them how he can always be found. 
He’s present in public school and Waldorf (so trendy) 
He’s over at Whole Foods but also at Wendy’s.

Jesus never cared about these sorts of things 
It’s our hearts that he wants and the worship we bring. 
It’s time for us moms to declare a truce 
Regardless if we buy Capri Sun or 100 percent juice.

My way is not your way, and your way isn’t mine 
But both of our kids will turn out just fine. 
Rather than judging and looking down our noses 
Let’s enjoy the common ground motherhood poses.

As believers, we all love the same good Lord 
We all have children who tell us “I’m bored.” 
We all need more sleep than these tiny five hours 
Most of us struggle to find time for a shower.

We haven’t been to the bathroom alone in an age 
Our mothers have all told us, “Relax, this is just a stage.” 
We all love our babies so much we could die 
We’d take a bullet for each one without batting an eye.

Though we are different, we’re in the same tribe 
Motherhood requires a similar vibe– 
Love and affection, sacrifice and grace 
Laughter, which keeps the whole mechanism in place.

Though different, by the grace of God, I suspect: 
ALL our children will rise up and call us ... collect.

She looks well to how things go in her household. ... Her children rise up and call her blessed. Proverbs 31:27—28 AMP

No matter what type of momma you are, God chose YOU to parent your child for a purpose and you are doing an AMAZING job!

Do Not Fear

I don't think it can be said enough times, but the She Reads Truth devotionals are always on point! We are currently walking through a series on Advent and today's focus on the angel coming to Joseph really spoke to my heart. 

Do not fear. 

Three simple words that speak volumes. The angel tells Joseph not to be afraid of the uncertainty coming soon. What a bold statement to follow in that time when Joseph had nothing but fear for the future. 

Do not fear.

This is something that I needed to be reminded of. It's been a while since I've posted about my kidneys because, honestly, I've been depressed about it all. About a month ago we learned my kidneys were not responding well (or at all) to the tapering process and my dosage needed to be upped significantly. Cue sinking heart. What would this mean for breastfeeding? What would this mean for the rest of my body? (Prednisone is not a medication you want to be on long term!) What would this mean for my future health? After much prayer and counsel from some very wise friends I accepted it as so and continued on with life. 

Fast forward to earlier this week when I started noticing some swelling and puffiness. Cue sinking heart. I knew what this meant-my body wasn't responding well to the prednisone. How could this be?? I'd always done well on it-what was going on?? After a series of labs and conferencing with the doctor we learned my kidney function continues to be normal (praise!) but I do have protein in my urine. In response, the doctor returned me to a higher dose of prednisone and I have labs in a few weeks to check on how I'm doing with that.

Do not fear.

This reminder came at the perfect time. I have been a hot mess of worry and fear when I really have nothing to be afraid of. God is constantly working in me and through me to glorify himself even if I don't see it now. Even if my kidneys want to act up-I have nothing to fear! God is doing HIS thing on HIS time. What a beautiful reminder for this stubborn girl. I pray that you remember this not just now as you read this full of joy in a holiday season, but also when you are beaten down and tired. 

Do not fear.

Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing

Come, Thou fount of every blessing, Tune my heart to sing Thy grace.
– Robert Robinson

Y'all, this is my jam. I heard it for the first time when we attended Vintage and from the very first line it shook me up in a big way. In the seven or so years since then I have cranked it up on various occasions getting goosebumps every time. I sing this song to Amelia Grace on a daily basis so don't act surprised when her first words are "melodious sonnet". I'm telling you, this is my jam. So when She Reads Truth  (the daily devotional series that I ADORE) started a series on hymns I was overjoyed to see this one included. 

Singer and songwriter Ellie Holcomb brought great truth in her devotion. She reminded me how dangerous my life becomes when I am out of tune with God and wandering aimlessly. While I know this in the dark depths of my brain, it's something entirely different when I reconcile it with what's going on in my heart. 

Singing it to Amelia Grace has brought it all into a new light as well. Each day there is a certain verse that causes me to pause and catch my breath. 

tune my heart to sing thy grace; 

Streams of mercy, never ceasing, 
call for songs of loudest praise.

Jesus sought me when a stranger

Let thy goodness, like a fetter, 
bind my wandering heart to thee.

Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it, 
prone to leave the God I love; 

Spending time in the Word daily has done wonders for my soul, but immersing myself in worship music has taken it all to a new level. God put forth His one and only son for our sinful souls and He continues to seek us out, despite our wandering hearts. That is some big stuff right there. His mercy calls for continuous honor and praise, and I am so thankful to get to sing of His glory through this song. 

Seven

Y'all know I love to read and I rarely find a book that I don't like. I also rarely find a book that I absolutely love. Jen Lancaster will always have me rolling around laughing and I can count on a Kennedy biopic to make me want to completely renovate my wardrobe to channel Jackie, but rarely does a book make me stop and rethink the way I live my life. That is until I read this:

Seven by Jen Hatmaker

This book messed me up in the best way possible. Imagine reading a book and pausing every page or so not just to think, but to laugh at how much the author knows your life. That is this book. Jen (I feel like we should be on a first name basis because she knows me so well) felt the tug in her heart to fast from certain things in her life, so she did. This wasn't just a  "I'm going to stop eating chocolate", but a "I need to change the way I'm living if I really want to experience Jesus". Each month for seven months she focused on a different area of her life she wanted to renovate. For one month she only wore seven items of clothing and another month she only ate seven different foods.Yea, homegirl don't play around. 

I can't tell you how many conversations I had with David about wanting to do something like this. We have SO much that we don't need. Don't get me wrong, I am extremely thankful for all the blessings, but how many different black sundresses do I need? And how many different saucepans does one family require? How much food do we waste each week because it goes bad before we can eat it? How much time do we waste on various social media sites or in front of the TV? These questions are all weighing heavy on my heart as I continue to mull it over. 

Do yourself a favor and read this book. Then, give me a call so we can plan a trip to Austin, Texas to meet this woman and be her friend.

Let Them See You

Let them see You
In me
Let them hear You
When I speak
Let them feel You
When I sing
Let them see You
Let them see You
In me

-Colton Dixon

 This song came on the radio on the way home from church on Sunday and it really resonated with me. This is a prayer I pray every morning before school. I may not be able to verbalize my beliefs outright, but I pray that my students recognize His light in me. So often I act and think about my actions later. I try very hard to think first, but that happens less often than I wish. With this continued prayer I hope that I think and my actions stem from Him.

Most of what they see around them stems from the media. With Twitter, facebook, Instagram, Vine, etc all at their fingertips, they see more negative than they see positive. Most of their influences are worldly, not heavenly.  I pray that my students see Him in my teachings, my interactions, my relationships-everything.

Do others see Him in you?

Circling Prayers

Our church is beginning a six-week long campaign following the path of Mark's Batterson's The Circle Maker. 

Heard of it? Batterson challenges readers begin "praying circles around their biggest dreams and greatest fears" with full and complete faith in God. What a beautiful concept.

The first sermon in the series focused on praying bold prayers and avoiding weak, vague prayers. How often do we ask God to take care of us or our family without praying for deep specifics? God wants to answer our prayers. He wants to hear all that is going on in every crevice of our hearts, but if we just skim the surface we are limiting the possibility of our relationship with Him.

Our pastor challenged us to write down our biggest prayer and circle it. He asked us to get specific and deep with God. It didn't take me five seconds to decide what prayer I wanted to circle; the prayer that is constantly on my mind and heart:

A healthy baby at the end of a safe, full-term pregnancy.

I am writing this prayer down and circling it. I am getting specific with God and asking Him for not just a blessed family, but specifically a healthy baby whom we are able to meet when he or she is ready to join us in this world.

What prayer would you circle and get deep with God?