Be Still

It's been a week and each day is a little easier than the last. I've had some bad days, and some better days. 

Thursday was rough. It was David's first day back at work, and my first day alone. I had plans to meet a sweet friend of mine for lunch, but that wasn't until 11:45. My sweet husband stayed up with me late into the night (okay, 10:30) so I would be able to sleep in more. We also made a plan the night before of things I would do before lunch. Made sure the radio was on so things weren't too quiet. Even with our best efforts I still woke up sad. I got out of bed and decided to walk the dog (one of my "to-do's") in hopes the endorphins would cheer me up. No such luck. 

I managed to make it home before the sobs took over. Once I walked in the door I was crippled with sadness. Nothing in particular triggered it, but I couldn't stop crying. I made my way upstairs for a shower where it continued. I somehow ended up on our bed sobbing and crying out to the Lord for some reprieve. This is when I was struck with the verse,

Be still and know that I am God.

Around this time David texted me to check-in and I called him. Poor thing didn't know what he was getting himself into with that text. He helped me calm down and we talked it all out. I realized in the midst of it all that I missed her. I missed our sweet girl. My incredibly selfless husband helped remind me that while I feel apart from her, she is near because she is with Him. And the verse came to me again,

Be still and know that I am God.

It was as if He was reminding me to not lose faith. To not give up entirely. To still my fears and misery because He had not deserted me. He has been with me through this entire experience and He will not go anywhere. 

I know there are going to be good days, and bad ones. That there will be a time when I celebrate going an entire day without crying. And it will get easier to talk about her. I know these things. It's just a process as we get there.