Wednesday, January 8, 2014

Spin Cycle

A spin cycle-that's what I feel like my brain has been on for the better part of the day. Let me start with the good, no great, news. . .we heard the heartbeat! We heard a heartbeat of a healthy of 173 which was a great comfort to us. Now, let me back up and share more on why my brain was spinning. . .

Our appointment was with the Maternal Fetal Medicine office. We saw them a few times when we were pregnant with Emerson and knew the procedures. A little over a year ago they moved to a new office. Our first time in this office was when we learned that Emerson's heart was no longer beating. I had a bit of a mental block coming into the office, but I pushed it away. Then the nurse who was unable to find her heartbeat last January took us back to a room; the very same room we were in last year. I didn't really have a chance to process it then because they did an ultrasound and we heard the heartbeat. 

The doctor then came in and started spewing off a lot of mumbo jumbo that made no sense. We were able to deduce that there was a possibility that what happened to Emerson could happen again. This threw us for a big loop because we thought she died because of a chromosomal abnormality, at least that's what we were last told. He wasn't aware of that theory (regular OB had originally proposed it), but he said it could have been that also. They then took blood to see if I was displaying any symptoms of it (it's called antiphospholipid syndrome-say that ten times fast) and we should have the results in a week or two.

A quick summary? It could go one of two ways-a normally, but overly cautious pregnancy or the same thing all over again.

As David and I left the office we talked it all out again and tried to piece together what the doctors (from the various offices-kidney, regular OB, high-risk OB) were theorizing and what the next steps were. We know it is completely out of our hands. We know that He has complete and total control of my health as well as little nugget's health.

The spin cycle in my brain has since slowed to a stop thanks in part to the love, support, and prayers of an incredible school family. I know I've mentioned these people before, but I would be absolutely lost without their help. I've also been able to sit back and let it all soak in; pray through it all. God has walked with us every step of the way and we know He is not going anywhere.

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