A Week of Firsts

This has been a week of firsts for me. 

First time to church on Sunday.

First day alone with no plans to meet anyone.

First doctor's appointment.

First time seeing my students and work family again.

These experiences have not been easy, but are necessary. As I mentioned yesterday, I feel like as soon as I take a few steps forward something sends me back. Instead of letting these reverse steps keep me moving in the wrong direction I'm focusing on letting Him propel me forward. 

I'm planning on heading back for good next week, but knew that if I handled it all in one day I would struggle to make it through. So, today I went into school to say hello and to conquer any emotions that came on. A sweet friend of mine suggested this, and I am thankful for her suggestion.

I cried through my prayers the whole way to the school. I prayed for strength and courage, as well as for peace and continued healing through this experience. I was unsure of what I would feel walking in the building that I was in two weeks ago, 6 months pregnant. The last time my students saw me was in December when I was clearly showing. They were all so excited when I announced that I was pregnant. Despite how old they wish they were, they are still young and I was nervous at how they would respond. They blew me away with their love. 

From the moment I walked in the door they showered me with hugs and love. They told me how much they missed me and begged me to come back. One student even made me promise I wouldn't leave again. Their warm response was exactly what I needed. I could tell some of them were nervous and didn't know what to say, and that's okay. This is the first time many of them have experienced death or loss of any kind and will undoubtedly feel a little awkward around me for a while.

My work family welcomed me back with open arms. There were many hugs and mentions of prayers, which meant so much to me. Hugs and prayers are what we need most right now. Even as we continue to heal and the days become easier, those hugs and prayers continue to fuel us. I am so thankful for these amazing people and how much they all have done to ease our ache. From sub plans (a teacher's nightmare) to coverage to meals to cards to flowers to prayers and hugs, this extended family has stepped in in such a beautiful way. 

I will officially head back next week, but I'm grateful for the opportunity to conquer the fears my firsts bring on with the love and support of those around me.

Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety.

Proverbs 11:14