God of Hope

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit

-Romans 15:13

Hope is something that I did not have for a long time. I felt crushed and defeated following the loss of Emerson, certainly not hopeful. Hearing these words was very difficult in the first few days. I could not fathom having hope at a time when I was just trying to get by. I continued to turn to God for refuge, but there was no moment when I felt hope for the future.

Days passed and things got better. I began to open up about it more with others. I started to leave the house. I ventured beyond my comfort zone. Each little step helped me heal. Every day held a challenge for me to overcome. Yet I still did not feel hope for what's to come.

I'm finding hope.

It was first felt when we were out running errands. For a brief moment I felt hope for our little family. I felt it again one morning at church as we were worshiping. He filled me with the hope that He promised. More and more little moments began to penetrate my life. Now, I am to the point when I have more moments of hope than of despair.

This benediction is uttered over us every Sunday as we leave church. It used to be words I heard, but did not process. I now soak in every word of truth as they pour over me. What an amazing promising He is fulfilling in my life!