Each Day

So how are you doing?

This is the most common question I've been asked. The answer?

Each day gets a little better.

And that's true. With each day I am able to talk about something new. It's less painful to talk about and I've been able to share more. 

Today, I was able to talk with a sweet friend of mine at work about being pregnant. She recently found out that after years of trying she and her husband will be blessed with their first later this year. I am so happy that she will get to feel the joy and excitement that I was fortunate enough to feel for a few months. 

Yesterday, I was able to say her name for the first time in conversation. I know that sounds silly, but I've just been referring to her as "her" or "the baby". It was too painful to say the name that we loved so much. It was difficult, but just as each day gets a little easier, each time I say it will hurt a little less.

I can now look at my belly without intense feelings of emotion. For the first few days I was at home I couldn't look down. I wore big, baggy sweatshirts so I didn't have to see it. It may sound ridiculous but it was so hard to come to terms with her not being there visible through that bump. I'm becoming more comfortable in my clothes again and I don't feel the need to hide as much.

So, yea, each day gets a little easier. Three weeks ago I couldn't fathom doing any of the above. Two weeks ago it was a pipe dream. One week ago I saw it in the future. Today I am able to do these things with the strength He has given me. It hasn't been easy by any stretch of the imagination, but the knowledge that I am never alone is such a comfort. All things work for our good, and that constant reminder has stuck with me through this. He strengthened me to complete those things and He will strengthen me as I continue to seek peace and healing.

Fear not, for I am with you;  be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you,  I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

-Isaiah 41:10